Today was the first time in months that I had stood in front of my best friend and heard his voice. He had caught the bus half way to my house and walk that extra distance to my doorstep. He had with him two of my personal belongings that he wished to return. I accepted them then watched as he held out his hand with confidence that I would extend mine up to meet it.
I could not. I felt it. I felt the disconnect. I could not hold my head high and there was nothing to smile about.
He told me it was fun while it lasted but that our friendship lacked chemistry, and it was at its end. He smiled and told me to be happy, cause he wasn’t..not with me and now he can be true to himself. He know has an idea of what he wants from friends and since we didn’t have the same mind set I would never understand him I am not what he personally considers a friend.
Warm tears feel down my face and I was ready for him to shut the hell up. I was angry and could not find the right words, the kind words that I had stored in my mind. No loving, thoughtful words came to mind so I stayed silent. I wanted to punch or slap him but again the strong since of disconnect was there. He said goodbye before saying that still he loved me and walked away.
I wanted him to hurt, to bleed even at that point. What a waste of time. Boys are stupid. What happened today made no fucking sense. How dare he. How dare he sooth my pains and fears for years then decide it’s time to severe our bonds after finding a new girlfriend. The betrayal and anger I have inside of me burns my throat. I hope I never cry over a male again. Over a friend again.