I don’t know what is is about girls that attracts me so much.

I feel like I always noticed them. I pay close attention to wardrobe, to hips, butt, breast, legs, smiles, faces. I listen to their voices, I watch they way they walk away. In a way, I feel that sometimes I can get carried away and over indulge in the female body. My sexuality? It’s questionable. I love guys, I love my boyfriend and I thoroughly enjoy sex with a male. However, I just don’t look at guys the way I look at girls & to be completely honest. The slender, [body] hairless, and open a guy is the better.

Usually when I look at girls I am just checking out their bodies and outfit, I do do a bit of comparison. I also think it’s safe to say that by now I know what I like and don’t like in girls. I’ve grown to have a brown girl preference. Any girl can be beautiful to me. Blondes, Hispanic, green eyes, super tall and awkward, tomboyish, model - esque, asians….

But as of recently nothing makes me gawk more than my people for a lack of better words. I love watching thick, tall, short, thin black girls. I love dread heads and wild and curly hair styles. I Love blonde streaks and big butts. Is that weird? To come out and say I can easily picture these girls naked but to not being having sex with them? I MEAN I have sexual thoughts but never have I felt the urge to put my hands on one. When I was younger I was dared to kiss a girl. Two to be exact, and at the same time. I’ll never forget that night. But it wasn’t what started these thoughts. Again I think I’ve always payed closer attention to females. 

I think I have a hard time keeping female friends is because of the fact that I stupidly end up falling in love with them on one form or another. I want that girl to see me as special just as how I see her. I want to hear the innocent compliments and heart felt advice. I want them to be able to stay up on the phone to talk to me. I want to comfort them and go out on adventures. That’s how I see the perfect bff friendships anyway. It never works out that way. Boys always seem to come into the picture. I get jealous and I keep my distance until something breaks. Boys and myself are the biggest obstacles as to why I feel so friend-less. I can’t just get it together.

I don’t want a girl friend. They scare me. Girls scare me. They are so sneaky and talkative and emotional. They are too pretty to look at everyday and I think I would always feel some type of way.

inconclusion. gay, straight, bi -who knows? My minds weird

girls i just had to get this off my chest