Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
Did we really reach the climax? Was I just wrapped up in my selfish ways? Do I really deserve better? (No one will ever be good enough) but He said he loves me, all of me, crazy and all. Who’s to say that i can never find that again? Do looks really matter to me? Is this one of my crazy obsessions? Am i FUCKING obsessed with Ryan all over again or just afraid to live in this loneliness? What is this independence?
What. is. love? Do i love him or….?
Do I feel love? Did i feel love from him? Did I give him my love? Do I even have love left to give? My cup feels empty, I have no tears left to shed and what do I have to show for it? What did I learn? Did I just take a step back or am i really ready to move on? (it was a downward slope…)
I wanted to break up for a while.
He kept failing MY expectations …and yet he had none for me, he accepted me for me.
i did not do the same.. (double standards made me a fool) maybe it was him who deserves better. (A more down to earth girl who loves ALL of him who would do anything for him…) but i would do anything for him right? what wouldnt i do?.. if he asked? is that love?
being told what to do?
could i love him…. …again. could i just be by his side…..again. i feel like i was like. i was in the beging? when did things change?
kage…. made my heart jump. in excitment and rage. i wanted what i couldnt have.. could i give someone what i wanted but never got? would that make me feel better or worse?
can i fall in love with myself. my sexuality? my attraction to lovers? could ryan be that one? or is this my chance to FIND someone else. will someone else even be willing to try that… with me? who am i? what do i want to accomplish. i need friends. i need to be touched to be loved. but i need to learn to love. to give, give, give!